We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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