either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
