Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
