I am spending my child support on dildos
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
