Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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