there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
