I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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