i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
