I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
