'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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