Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
