i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize