and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
