if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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