Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
