my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
