he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
