That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
