i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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