The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
