And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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