Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
