sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
