you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
