You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
