And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
