my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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