my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
