i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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