i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
