You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
