I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize