dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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