i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
