you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
