If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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