Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
