My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
