how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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