just tell him i said nine months
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
