did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize