drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
