One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
