Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
