Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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