dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize