So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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