i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
