I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
