if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
