I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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