I hope mine doesn't look like that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
