The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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