the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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