So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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