it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
