Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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