Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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