you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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