Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
