I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
...so i touched it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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