the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
