Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
