Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
