So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
