the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
