also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
