He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
