You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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