I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
