Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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