omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
