oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
