Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
