all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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