I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't make out with my wife yet
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
