dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
